Moments of Connection: Missing and Finding Them

Living in New York City, I’m not immune to hustling to and from wherever, much as I’d like to be. One morning, I was running late to work and had been speed walking for the 12 blocks I had to walk to work. Rushing through the pain in my shins, I yanked open the front door to work and waited for the person at the front desk to buzz me in, out of the vestibule. I noticed it was someone new at the door (at least, new to me) but paid that no mind as I was able to get in through the second door. I continued my speed walking when she suddenly said, “Can I help you?” I immediately snapped back, “Yeah, I work over there,” pointing to the door just around the corner. She said “Oh okay sorry, I didn’t know” and I think I muttered “Yeah, okay, I gotta go” or something just as impatient. As I started setting up for my workday, I felt bad about how I had reacted to someone I didn’t know but I told myself it was fine, I didn’t even know how I would apologize, and wondered if she even thought about the incident anymore.

For the next several months, I would try to smile when I came in and say “Hi,” “Good morning,” or “Thanks” without trying to converse further; I never saw her smile back. Then, just the other morning, I got to work when we were supposed to be open but no one was at the front door to let me in. There was snow and ice everywhere, which I was sure was the reason for the lack of a front desk person, but I had to text my supervisor (who was out until late afternoon) how to get in. I figured this out, and a facilities worker who had seen me outside and did not understand my request to be let in was talking to the front desk worker, who had apparently arrived in the midst of me entering through a different door. She actually came into the library shortly after, and introduced herself to me, asked me questions about myself, and explained that indeed, she was late because of the snow. It was a jovial conversation, and hours later, she invited me to go downstairs with her to get leftover food from an event that had taken place the day before. We came back upstairs with our plates full of leftover finger foods, fruits, and pasta. Just the next week, I found out from my supervisor that this woman was let go from her position. I was shocked and have no idea what happened; even if I did, this is not the place for that story. 

I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t tried to get to know this person, who was clearly so nice, asked genuine questions, and listened intently. If I had apologized to her that same day I met her, I might have known her for a few months, rather than for one day. I don’t think we would have become best friends due to our age difference, and the differences in our lives and experiences. Still, we could have made pleasant conversation a regular part of both of our days and that could have helped us both so much in ways I can’t even know now. This is all to say that first impressions absolutely matter, but no one gets it right the first time every time. However, the power to be able to forgive yourself and ask for forgiveness from others has such an impact. It can give you back time and happiness.

Casual acquaintances/relationships (also called “weak” connections or relationships) with people you barely know are important; these interactions “can cultivate a sense of belonging, provide bursts of positive energy, motivate us to engage in activities, and expose us to new information and opportunities” and it has been shown that older people with a range of weak and close relationships “enjoy better physical and psychological well-being and live longer than people with narrower, less diverse social networks” (Graham, 2022). This recent experience has reminded me that not only are first impressions important, but also that just making efforts in interacting benefits everyone. We don’t need to try to force deep, involved friendship and all that entails on someone. However, that kindness we extend to others in short interactions can literally make us live longer. Going forward, I plan to take steps to be more patient with others, so that I may benefit from all the positivity that can bring into my life, even in what might just seem like a fleeting moment. It goes beyond me, the other person, and that moment in time, rippling positively onward.

Source:

Graham, J. (2022, February 3). The Surprising Importance of Casual Acquaintances. Silver Century Foundation. https://www.silvercentury.org/2022/02/the-surprising-importance-of-casual-acquaintances/