My Journalism Past and Writing Future

I knew since I was a kid that I wanted to be a writer. It was something I was naturally pretty good at, and like a lot of people, I like doing things that I already have a knack for. I’ve also just always liked exploring how I choose to voice experiences, either lived, imagined, or somewhere in between. This led to me working for my high school newspaper all four years (making it to editor-in-chief my senior year) and pursuing a History degree while minoring in Journalism and Spanish. My school did not have a journalism major, I had always liked history, and there was always so much research and writing in history that it felt like a no brainer to me (I never thought the History/Journalism combination was weird, but the number of times I’ve had to answer “Why history? Why didn’t you just major in English?” has been astounding). 

My first job out of college was a paid internship at an airline magazine, where I served primarily as a fact checker. We fact checked everything, from blurbs about cocktails (wherein we would call the bar and ensure the ingredients and directions were right) to puzzles (yes, this does mean I got to do puzzles to check that they worked and that the answer key was right). There were five editors and I helped them all with a variety of projects. One editor almost exclusively had interns transcribe, while others had me help with writing small articles. I was once tasked with writing a multi-page spread about traveling to Florida.

After that, I freelanced for a few Dallas publications and worked at another internship at a city magazine. This one was unpaid, but I was getting to write more articles and I felt secure with gaining this experience alongside working two part-time jobs. 

Ultimately, I left the profession before the pandemic and for the most part I haven’t regretted the decision for several reasons. 

First, I had written in every section of a typical newspaper (news, arts/culture/entertainment, sports, and editorial/opinion), copy edited, content edited, and designed publications. I was no stranger to this world, and I was gaining professional experience out of college. However, nothing was leading to a secure job. I even met with my journalism professor asking for his advice. This meeting soured quickly, with him criticizing a recent move I had made to another city (within commuting distance) and dismissing my worries by saying I was doing everything he thought I should do. According to him, if I stopped worrying and just kept chasing work in this unsustainable way that wasn’t paying my bills, something would fall into my lap. I never told this professor how his words were absolutely not what I needed to hear, but he likely would not have offered anything to actually assuage my worries. 

Even the articles I was getting to write came with weird baggage I didn’t like dealing with. The large Florida piece I wrote was mostly fun, but I could only highlight certain businesses and restaurants. I had to communicate frequently with some tourism communications coordinator for the state, and could only talk about things that were approved and boosted financially. After all, how else were we going to make money? While I don’t think all spon-con is inherently bad, I knew that this was going to be the type of article I would continue to write at this publication, and who knows how many others. 

My main section of interest was in the arts (the kind of journalism that notoriously pays the least and is usually first on the chopping block if budgets need cutting). I graduated college in 2015 and already at that point, news was a hard subject for me to feel comfortable approaching. I know from 2016 onward, I would have been incapable of writing any kind of news piece, especially if it centered on politics. 

I was also a major perfectionist and my anxiety about writing would get so bad sometimes that I procrastinated on what should have been easy articles until the last minute. At that paid internship that I held for a year after I graduated college, I didn’t complete an assignment on time and had come-to-Jesus meetings with not one but two editors; my relationship with one of them never felt the same for the rest of my internship. I would also stay home frequently and I’m embarrassed to admit that on more than one occasion I overslept by several hours and texted my supervisors that I would not be going in when my silence until nearly 11 already made that blatantly obvious. This same behavior happened at another publication that I had freelanced for extensively. This led to a sorrowful email I sent to the editor-in-chief asking for a second chance, which I also blew. That time, it was partially over frustrations about delays in getting paid, though I admit fully that my poor mental health and lack of steps to heal myself fully led to my dropping an article without notice once again. I never told anyone that this was the underlying reason, but I wasn’t able to put it into words until several years later. My anxiety about being the perfect writer manifesting as inaction really solidified that this was not the right career for me. 

I felt like such a failure for several years afterwards. This is a dream I had had since I was a child, and one I had been actively working on since the age of 13. I started working as a hostess in spring 2016 and ran into people from college who couldn’t hide that they thought my job was embarrassing, beneath them, and made me inferior. I really had no idea where my life was taking me, and talks that family tried to have with me about this time led nowhere, usually because of a self-pity that weighed me down and that I couldn’t get around. Eventually, I developed a routine that made me happy, fit, healthy, and sociable in a way that I felt I had finally moved on. Every once in a while, I’d get asked about if I was doing any writing. Depending on who was asking, I would either completely ignore them or I’d give a dismissive answer and move on to another topic. 

The seeds of a renewed desire to write came when I met my now-spouse, who is a poet, writer, fellow new blogger, and an overall creative person. What really solidified it for me was blog posts I’ve been writing for my job at a research library. I’ve really enjoyed being able to talk about the collections of photographs, documents, and other historical materials I’ve brought together, finding highlights and summarizing details to let people know they can access collections and why they should. I’ve also been journaling a lot more. I think I previously didn’t think of journaling as writing in any sense other than brain dumping onto a page. However, it has helped me continue to be observant and grateful through so much, which translates to how I see, process, and think about the world around me. I feel so called to support my renewed writing journey that I started this blog. 

Writing may look different for me, and in some ways, I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to make a living doing it. However, like with so many passions, I think I’ll be able to appreciate it for longer and in a special way if it’s something I do because I want to, not because I have to or risk being fired. I like doing things I’m good at, but I do want to embrace challenges and push my skills to new levels. Writing completely and totally fits the bill for me, and I thank you for going along with me as I figure out what writing looks like in my life going forward.