Taking Time for Ourselves, the Why and How
I’ve struggled for years (maybe even most of my life?) with the concept of taking time for myself, for saying no to things I don’t want to do (or sometimes, can’t realistically do without sacrifice). If I have free time, I can work or find a volunteer opportunity. Therapy takes time away from all the other things I could do. Vacations and holidays are so stressful anyway, so why put the burden of a trip on myself willingly? I recognize that these are just some examples that come into my life from a place of privilege, as someone who can currently prioritize being a student and worry about so much less than others. There are certainly other struggles that I and many others can relate to that are stressful in a more universal way, including job and career woes (of the present and future), financial worries, and concern over friends and family members and their health and well-being.
Mental Health America acknowledges that “there are always a handful of roles that each of us is juggling” and that taking time for oneself “may seem unimaginable” especially considering that “it can be difficult to even take basic care of ourselves” (Mental Health America, n.d.). Sometimes, we might even have the insight that our stress comes from several everyday tasks and wonder why they feel so crushing. What we maybe aren’t realizing is that our bodies “[treat] these…tasks as threats” and that as a result we “may feel as if [we’re] always under attack” (Mayo Clinic, 2023). It is so imperative that we look into combating our stress, as high stress can actually cause our “fight-or-flight reaction [to stay] turned on”, which can lead to anxiety and/or depression; digestive problems; headaches; muscle tension and pain; heart disease, heart attack, high blood pressure and stroke; sleep problems; weight gain; and problems with memory and focus, just to highlight some of the potentially fatal health risks (Mayo Clinic, 2023). And of course, how we deal with our stress ideally wouldn’t involve excess food, alcohol, tobacco, or drugs, in any amount but especially not indulgently.
My spouse and I were recently talking about how taking time for oneself can look like many different things, that self-care does not only mean hours-long bubble baths or spa days (although those are great options and completely amazing if they help you feel happy, present, and/or mindful). For us, that can be sitting down to finally watch a movie we’ve been wanting to watch together, without any distractions and maybe even with a snack of our favorite vegan ice cream or bowls of popcorn. We even got each other Squishmallows this Black Friday, and we gave Jaelyn the axolotl a “voice”. We talk through him to diffuse difficult situations and show our appreciation for and love of each other. I feel so lucky to have my partner (and this toy) to talk with. Also, I try to keep in touch with family regularly. Even committing to weekly texts with my immediate family members helps me feel like I'm not alone, in terms of being in community with others and when it comes to not being alone with the things I worry about and struggle with.
Creating has always been a form of self care for me as well. This is one that I go through waves with but I try to maintain consistency at least with journaling. I mentioned in my journalism past blog post that I struggled to journal for a long time but with doing it more, I have found that words pour out of me more often than not. I no longer think about putting the “right” thing in my journal, but rather the true thing. It’s so freeing. Other creative passions I’ve put on the backburner as life has gotten very life-y include the ukulele, drawing, needle felting, and coloring. I even have embroidery supplies I haven’t yet touched. Maybe writing it down here will hold me accountable and you’ll see me picking those things back up in the new year!
Sometimes, my version of self care when it comes to exercise means intentional, yogic stretches for five to ten minutes, while other times I go for long walks in the city or look up a dance video to one of my favorite songs on YouTube and try to learn the choreography.
Meditation can be incredibly helpful right away as well, but this is one where I’ve heard so many different things. One of the first friends I had who regularly meditated said I had to do silent meditations, even going as minimal as just setting a timer for 15 minutes. I’ll go ahead and say that I find that incredibly hard to do to this day, and this friend's advice turned me off of meditation for a long time because I couldn’t seem to “do it right”. I recently bought myself meditation cards and have been working my way through them; the deck starts off with the basics and progresses over the course of 100 days. I’ve also found visualization meditations to have a big impact on me. One of the first ones I did was with Jeremy Lim on the Insight Timer app called “Your Safe, Peaceful Place” in 2020. It was absolutely one of the best meditations I have ever done, and I regularly go back to it. The images I can conjure up stay consistent and they’re so vivid and never fail to make me happy and feel completely at peace. I highly recommend this meditation in particular, and finding others like it.
Thankfully, if you need some guidance on where to start, there are a ton of lists online and recommendations from all kinds of people. I like this list at Active Minds, this one at Mental Health America, and this one at the National Institute of Mental Health. These lists are general and prioritize health. This is a great reminder that things like getting enough sleep and not having too much caffeine are a great starting point, and that if a suggested self care activity doesn’t quite resonate with you, you can think on it and tweak it to something that will resonate with and benefit you. These websites also have other resources available to you, and these are just some of many examples. Here’s to prioritizing self care and ourselves, enriching our lives in the process!
Sources:
Mental Health America. (n.d.). Taking Time for Yourself. https://mhanational.org/taking-time-yourself
Mayo Clinic. (August 1, 2023). Chronic stress puts your health at risk. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress/art-20046037