What Yoga Means to Me
It wasn’t until I was in college that I really stumbled into fitness. I used to be a die-hard Zumba and high-intensity interval training (HIIT) kind of gal. I still enjoy high intensity things from time to time, as it’s always fast-paced and you feel yourself putting in that work in such an obvious way. It wasn’t until I was working as a journalist at a small local publication that I met someone else on staff who happened to be a yoga teacher as well that I finally gave yoga a chance. It wasn’t a total breeze–especially when this teacher called out that I was turned the wrong way in my first Warrior II–but it also made me feel so strong yet light, accomplished yet only mildly sweaty. That was nearly 10 years ago, and I’ve continued through yoga in some way or another ever since, trying out studios and continuing some sort of home practice along the way.
I have been interested in learning more about yogic philosophy and history for several years, especially as I met yoga teachers at various points in my life. I very much come from a family where I was told to only do those things I was already good at, and that I wouldn’t be a good teacher for anything fitness-related, since I’m “bigger,” “fat,” or whatever synonym or euphemism was used. This was done to protect me, but it kept me from strongly considering this for a long time.
What pushed me to finally do yoga teacher training now? First, it’s summer and I’m about to start a graduate program this fall that will occupy the next two years of my life, so it really felt like now or…maybe not quite never, but certainly harder to commit to in another 2.5 years. Second, there happened to be a schedule that was alright with my availability. I go to class Mondays through Wednesday nights. I knew I couldn’t commit to full weekdays (which finishes way quicker, at the expense of doing a LOT of yoga and discussion to reach 200 hours) and I knew I didn’t want to do Friday nights and full weekends. It does make the days at the beginning of the week that much longer for me, but I still have most of my nights and my weekends free to be with my spouse, friends, and family, which makes it more than worth it. Third, part of it is just being in New York; it’s such a dynamic city and while I don’t necessarily think I “subscribe” to hustle culture (I was just talking about liking the work-life balance I get from my YTT schedule after all), I see how much there is to do and how so many people pursue their passions alongside their jobs here that I decided to join their ranks and really go for it.
I’m already a quarter of the way through my 200 hour yoga teacher training program, which feels unreal in many ways. We’ve talked about one of the most instrumental texts you study in teacher training, the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. It’s hard to boil down the text, but essentially it talks exclusively about the philosophy (you’re not getting any tips on how to do the best high lunge or half moon pose, for instance; asana or poses are seen as a way to ready the mind for deeper contemplation and meditation). It’s been interesting to give voice to our experience of a yoga class; we’re asked to do this to develop our “teacher voice” and so we can better understand and explain things when we are registered teachers. My group is a larger one for this studio–there are 12 people in my cohort–and everyone comes from diverse backgrounds and is just different from one another, though we share common interests that bond us.
While a lot of the experience has been great, I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was worried. The online publication Yoga Journal just posted this guest contribution from a yoga teacher who is a smaller size than me…and who talks about the struggles she’s faced as a “yoga teacher in a bigger body.” A classmate took pictures of some of us the other day when she couldn't physically participate in the practice. When I saw myself alongside my classmates in the photos, I was disgusted and filled with dread about them maybe going on social media; thankfully, another classmate just posted pictures where he was the main person in focus. I don’t necessarily plan to make this a full-time endeavor at this point, which is exponentially harder than teaching yoga as a side hustle. Yet, it’s still hard to find those opportunities. Online is an option as well, though that market is becoming more saturated as well. Plus, I personally struggle with wanting to eventually make some income from teaching, while also wanting to provide yoga to people who really seek it out and need it, even if they couldn’t pay for classes. Though yoga classes so far have been more affordable here than in Austin, it’s still an expense.
These are all future issues, though, and ones that I don’t doubt I’ll find creative solutions for. What I know with certainty is that yoga is a fulfilling practice and can be practiced however the yogi wants. Do you want to use yoga to make yourself feel good and as an expression of joy? Or do you want to use yoga as a tool to one day reach ultimate enlightenment and transcend the body and mind? You can go down either path (or any path in between) through the lens of yoga.